Monday, November 30, 2009

How Do You Say Goodbye........

It is through many tears, and great sadness that I write this blog.

When I was 6 years old, my mother remarried. I didn't know at that time the impact that would have on my life. Those "I Do's" would forever change my life. She didn't just marry anybody. She married a man that I would come to know as one of the greatest men I ever knew. Roy, a marine, was always larger than life and indestructable in my eyes. He could do no wrong. His patience, his love, and his guidance are the reasons I am who I am today. Without him, I wouldn't be me. He took my sister and I in and loved us as his own. They later divorced when I was 19. But, for Julie and I, we were still his babies and would always continue to be so. For 32 years, we have been the light of his life. And, now I will have to say goodbye to one of the greatest men I ever knew in the next few days. How do you say goodbye to someone who meant so much to you? How do you say goodbye to the man that would sit and rub my head for hours when I didn't feel well? How do you say goodbye to the man who taught me to ride a bike, who drove me to school every morning, who cheered me on from every ball game, who picked me up when I fell? How do you say goodbye to the man who held me while I cried, who tickled me until I couldn't breathe, who laughed at every corny joke I ever made? How do you say goodbye to the man that told me that boys weren't good enough for me? He even told a few of them that, including Jason. lol. How do you say goodbye to the man who taught me the values and morals that I hold so close to me today? How do you say goodbye to the one person who I always knew was there for me? How do you say goodbye to my inspiration? Some of the greatest years of my life and some of my fondest memories were spent with this man as his daughter. How do I let go of that?

For 32 years, he has held me, loved me and comforted me when I was sad and in pain. Unfortunately, this is a pain that he can't protect me from. I've never felt so alone as I do right now. I'll go visit him in the morning. I know before I go, that this will most likely be the last time I see him alive. How will I say goodbye??? What I'd give to hear his voice one last time; even if it was to ground me for breaking curfew AGAIN!

I thank God everyday for blessing me with two great Father's. I couldn't have asked for more. In a few days, I will lose one of them. How will I say goodbye? Losing a parent has got to be the hardest thing to ever lose. They aren't supposed to ever leave us. They are supposed to live forever. How do you say goodbye???


When I think of you, the song, 'Because You Loved Me,' by, Celine Dion comes to mind. You truly did give me wings that made me fly. In a few days, you will be the wind that carries those wings. You will become my angel, patiently loving me and guiding me from Heaven. I am so blessed for each and every day I got to spend with you. You did make my world a better place. I know that someday I will see you again. It is through the strength and courage that you have given me through the years that I will go on. Your voice will always speak loudest to me. I really am everything I am Because YOU Loved Me!!!